Katakwe
Mtukula Pakhomo
Wolemba: Lawrence Kadzitche
Tikhoza kuti chani? Pakhomopo padali phukusi la kasakaniza. Anyamata angapo ankavina ngati muja amachitira ma zombie mu mafilimu. Koma ambiri adali zyoli ngati ali pammeto nkhope zikungooneka ngati za anthu ozerezeka. Ena adali lambya ngati muja amaonekera anthu oti achita ngozi ya pamsewu. Koma chodabwitsa chidali choti onse nkhope zawo zidali zotupa ngati amenyedwa.
Atatulukira pakhomopo, Likisho adauma ngati mkazi wa Loti atacheuka pothawa ku Sodomu. Sadathe kumvetsa. Ulendo womaliza womwe adafika pakhomo lamzakeyo, padali pakhomo padongosolo. Chidachitika n’chiyani?
“Ndakulandira, bwanawe,” Katakwe adatero akutsitsa choyimbira kuti amvane ndi mzake wa ponda apa nane mpondepoyo.
Koma mzakeyo adangoti maso tuzu ngati watsamwa ndi mbatata, kukamwa kukutseguka ndi kutsekeka ngati kwa chambo chovuwulidwa mmadzi, mawu osatuluka.
“Chikuchitika n’chiyani?” Likisho adafunsa atapeza mawu ake.
“Aise, ndapeza bizinesi yotentha,” Katakwe adalongosola. “Ija amati yowinira kudimba”
“Bizinesi yamtundu wanji imeneyo?”
“Bwanawe, ndayamba kugulitsa mowa wina wake. Zoyikamo zake n’zotchipa kwambiri ndiye ndikuwugulitsanso motchipa nchaka ukuona gulu lonseli. Ngini yochepa imapanga madilamu angapo a bawa Mowa wake sipano. Kumwa zotsatira zake ndi ziwiri. Kutupa nkhope kapena kumwalira. Bloated face or murder. Akatupa nkhope choncho eni ake amanyadira kuti akuoneka ngati ma Chinese.”
“Iwe, mowa umenewu suja akumautcha ‘ambuye ntengeni’?”
“Walasa. Ukamwa, ukhoza kumwalira n’chifukwa umatchedwa Ambuye Ntengeni. Olo ukachita mwayi, umatupa nkhope ngati njuchi zakugagada ndiye amati Magagada. Ena amautcha Ntaya Njinga, ukayaka umapezeka uli gada njinga ili uko. Lina lodyera timautcha Baluda, mfuti yoopsa kwambiri ya ku Mozambique. Ndukuuza ndi faya!”
Likisho adamuyang’ana Katakwe modabwa. “Aise, ndiye ungamanyadire zimenezo?”
“Eya, kwa ine ndi bizinesi…”
“Inde ndi bizinesi koma bizinesi yake yoipa. Ukuchitaku n’chimodzimodzi kumagulitsa poizoni iwe n’kumati bola ukupanga ndalama ngakhale anthu akufa. Kumeneko ndi kuipa mtima.”
Katakwe adaseka. “Aise, ineyo chomwe ndikuchita n’kuchepetsa umphawi. Ndisaname kuti ndi mawu anga koma sudamve biggy amalankhula pa WhatsApp uja kuti mowawu ndi mtukula pakhomo?”
“Mowa n’kukhalanso mtukula pakhomo bwanji?”
“Aise, munthu amagwiritsa ntchito ndalama zochepa kuti aledzere ndipo izi zimathandiza kuti makobiri enawo akachitire zotukulira pakhomo. Mowa wabwino ungaposenso pamenepo?”
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